My hoodie
It may not be perfect but its all I know

Its always there when I need it
Tucked away in the same spot
Ready and willing to keep me warm when the weather is cold
Sometimes the most comfortable things are old
I’m so afraid to try to replace it with something new
Even if it seems like the new hoodie might be warmer
The style is more current
Old faithful provides me with a sense of security
I am already used to the way it fits me
Im afraid to replace it
Because lets face it
We all know that one I give it up
If the new one doesn’t fit as good
Or turn on to be as cute as it looked on the rack
Then I may not be able to just take it back
And go back to wearing my old one like nothing happened
I’m afraid to get a new one because though the old one my not be the best
It is all I know…


Written by : JMB

Trying new things….hoping to ease the fear

My First Love

My first love

Not my first schoolyard crush,
Or just some boy whispering sweet nothings
To make me blush
The boy who grew into the man
That I planned to love forever
We were inseparable
My every thought was of you
I loved you so much you even found your way
Into my dreams at night
Even now after so many years have passed
Hearing you name or seeing your picture
Takes me back through the years
To the day we met, our first date
That was a night I will never forget
I know it has been so long
But honestly there are
Some songs I just cant listen to
Because they remind me of you
And all of the things that we could have been
It’s safe to say that I still love you
I always have and always will
I have never loved a man the same since
I’m not saying it wasn’t real
It jus wasn’t as intense
I haven’t cried, like I did for you
I still haven’t found anyone that I need
As much as I have needed you
All the man I dreamed of I found in you
As wild as it is, I might be down for round 2
If I knew that you were down too


12/28/2008
Written by: J.M.B
For: My first love… D.R.H

Airing it out

Airing it out

Because I'm a coward
I act all big and strong
My fearless personality
has become one of my standout traits

Maybe saying that I am a coward
takes it a few steps too far
I truly am fearless
There's only one thing that scares me...

And that thing is LOVE
falling in it, never finding it, having mine abused
All of the usual things and the pain that they bring

Cause me to push away
all of the men who love me
I'M AFRAID TO BE LOVED


I am afraid to be loved
I hope that what everyone
wanted to hear
Because it's the truth

Pathetic????
No, just plain crazy
The only thing I want so desperately

I go running in the other direction
anytime it gets close

As the old school cliche goes
Baby its not you, its me

It really is
Truth is
I have some serious issues with love


If you want to back out
I understand
I guess it wasn't meant to work
anyhow


I never really could grasp
that whole unmerited love thing

I know that I love
people who don't deserve it

But I never thought that anyone
could do the same for me

Love me, even at my unloveable moments
At the lowest points of my life


I guess its my own fault
for never noticing all the love
that was right in front of my face.

So I guess I can't be mad that
I'm stuck in this place.
Loveless and alone.



12/19/2008
9:12 pm

Written by J.M.B

For that love I didn't notice until it was too late :(
J.J.W

Fighting for my love

I can't give up
Because we've loved each other for too long
Aside from that my feelings are just too strong
Not even time, which changes everything was able to make these feelings subside
That makes me feel like you are supposed to be mine
In the past I've made some mistakes
bad decisions that made you give up on me
But im fighting for my love, baby giving up is something we just can't do
I've tried to clean up the mess I've made
When we met I was young and wild
I didn't mean to hurt you
I was so caught up, chasing something I catch
Searching for something more
I never found anyone better because I already had the best
I'm different now and I've learned from my mistakes
Please just give me another chance
Because i'm fighting for my love
I'm fighting for you
I'm fighting for us
I'm gonna try to make it work this time

Issues with Love

So many times I watch men make mistakes
with the way that they treat the women
who love them.

Yet I consistently torture the men in
my life by imitating the same behaviors
I despise.

I've come to realize that this wretched
cycle is only leading to my hearts demise.

Break the cycle yes I should. If I could I
swear I would but its so deep in me that
its hard to change.

Place my heart in someones hands.
You don't understand. Me, I just can't.
Now what if they break it???
Then who is to blame?


12/12/2008
Written by: JMB
For: All the men who have ever cared about me

IDK

Its killing me
This whole love thing
Is about to send me over the edge
You lied, cheated,never once
tried to consider my feelings
No not until it was too late
When my heart was already broken
Only a man will try to dry your tears
The minute you've stopped crying
When I was dying
And I couldn't stop the tears
from streaming down my face
You was nowhere to be found
But now you wants peace
I should just throw my feelings in a box
And make nice because its the right thing to do
Even as a child I never liked to play nice, so
Oh hell no
You're hurt, I'm hurt
Sadly we hurt each other
It's broken
I don't know how to fix it
Because I hate you
But I love you
I don't know how we even got here
How did we mess this up so bad
It used to be so AMAZING
Now it's just crazy


12:09 pm
11/16/2008
Written by JMB
For LB

I blame my stupid heart

Love is something I really don't want
Somehow it always finds me
And messes with my head
I blame my heart
For loving you and all the others that came before
I just don't understand
What we really need love for?
You know
Most times it isn't useful
It only cause problems
Pain and heartache
I blame my stupid heart
For falling in love with your eyes
We used to have a great time just talking and hanging out
But I guess those are the things people do when they fall in love
Well to be friends we had to do those same things
So I guess I should blame my stupid heart
For feeling all these stupid things
I blame all of those children's books that I read as a little girl
For making me think I had some knight in shining armor waiting
When really theres no one there
Just my stupid heart and its stupid feelings
That ruined my relationship with my best friend.


Love you M.D.F
11/2/2008

Always J.M.B

Thanks for making me a fighter!

Just a reminder
Come what may
Im still standing
All the people and things in life
that have tired to break me
And tear me down
have not succeeded
Im still standing
Still here
The most anyone
has succeeded in doing
is getting on my nerves
Sometimes I felt sad
Just a little tho
But im still standing
With tears in my eyes
Still standing....
With a broken heart
Still standing....
Damaged pride
Still standing....
Minus a couple friends
Still standing....
So don't waste your time trying to tear me down.
It won't work
You see my strength lies
In the hands of somebody bigger than you or I.


By: J.M.B
7:31 am
10/9/2008

Love Love vs. Friendship

Love Love vs Friendship

I don't really know if I love love you
But what I do know is that I love you
I love the way you are always there
To support me, to strengthen me
When I am afraid or feel like I can't go on
I don't know if I love love you like to be
Kissing and hugging you
But I love our conversations
The way you always seem to call just when I need to talk
And when I try to pretend like everything is alright
You notice and we talk about it until I truly am okay
I don't know if I love love you like drawing hearts around our names
But I do love the person that you are
The way you are open and honest even when it is difficult to be.
I love the way you are responsible for your actions
and acknowledge your wrongs
even when that is the path you choose to take.
Maybe I do love love you
but I'm not sure if I love love you
or I just love love our friendship.
But I do know that I will love you forever
even if we are never really in love love.

For: M.D.F
Always J.M.B
10/4/2008
8:14 am

Us and the pursuit of happiness

Us and the pursuit of happiness

So I wonder
If it was a mistake
When I said yes
You remember the first time
You asked me on a date
The pursuit of happiness
I believe it was
Since we split up
And went our separate ways
I don't really know
If true happiness knows me anymore
Since then I have spent so much money
Buying things trying to fills the void you left
In pursuit of the happiness I once felt
Shoes,purses,gadgets galore
It's crazy just can't recreate it
That amazing feeling
A touch, a kiss, a laugh from you brings
Or the feeling I got the first time
You told me I made you heart sing
I wonder if I should have said no that day
Would it have prevented me from feeling this way



10/1/2008

For L.B

Always
J.M.B

The Man Behind the Glass

The man behind the glass

Scares me because I just don’t understand but…
Maybe you protect yourself this way
So that you don’t end up hurting
But it hurts me to deal with you
Always so strong, so stern, sometimes even harsh
What it is that draws me to you
I don’t even know
I couldn’t even begin to explain
And if I tried you would never understand
Why a place in your heart is all I truly seek after
Oftentimes I am on the verge of giving up
And just ending my quest for a piece of your love
Although I know you feel it too
I need you to stop being so afraid of getting hurt
Because it makes you shut me out
You close me off from the deepest parts of you
Which is where I desire to be
Day after day I attempt to break into that glass case
Where you keep your heart locked away
You just don’t understand
How badly I want to be there
Or how much I just want to hold you hand
But right now I just feel like giving up
Many months have passed
And I have yet to come close to touching
The man behind the glass





9/28/2008
9:57am
For K.B

The awkwardness, I love it

I need you to stare at me
And make me so nervous
That I am afraid to look up
Make me laugh
When I am so mad
That I want to punch you
Seeing you makes my heart race
So much
That I can feel the pounding in my chest
Leave me speechless
By the sound of your singing
Kiss me slowly
So that I can get that blank stare
As I become wrapped up
In thoughts of you
When i'm hot
Whisper in my ear
A cool breeze
And give me the chills.



Written sometime in march

It feels like it will never happen...

Im thinkin damn
It must not be meant to be
Everytime it seems like things
Are gonna work out
And we will be together
Something happens
Something that changes everything
Bringing a stop to all of the progress we've made
It crazy how perfectly we fit together
You and Me, Me and You
But everytime I think its coming it doesn't work out
It seems like we are destined to be an almost...a possiblity...a could have been... a should've been...the best thing we never had...
Damn... I wonder why we just can't be destined to be together happily

The awesomeness of me, the awesomeness of you

The Awesomeness of me, The awesomeness of you
Over the years I have learned that few people can truly grasp the awesomeness of me
Actually many people realize the awesomeness of me
But they are jealous
So they try to dumb down my intelligence
By encouraging me to do things that my better judgment knows are wrong
Or they get really close to you and pretend to be your buddy
Only to try and find out the secret to your inner strength
Those types of people don't really love you they just want to be like you
So keep a watchful eye, those types always show signs
A lot of people know about the awesomeness of you
Because they can't handle it
They think people like me and people like you
Are too good to be true
They think that
Spending time and investing love into us will only leave them hurting and lonely
Don't be discouraged
When you find it hard to obtain love
Because as crazy as it sounds
A lot of people just can't handle
The awesomeness of me or the awesomeness of you
Also a lot of people don't understand
The awesomeness that you possess
So don't feel like they are trying to dismiss you
Its just that
Generally people don't like to cling to things that they can't comprehend
Don't take it personally when you find out certain people just can't be your friend
Whenever you need someone to talk to or lean on
Let that person be me
Because I understand what you are going through
I've been there
And I know and love the awesomeness of you because its just like the awesomeness of me

9/4/08
12:35 p.m
A letter to my Lil' bro
With awesome love,
Your big sis

Getting Tired

Getting tired

Im getting tired
Of waiting
For you to come around
Of waiting
For you to stop playing games
You want me and we both know it
So come and claim what's yours
Because...
Im getting tired
Of wanting
Wanting to see you all the time and never getting the chance
Of wanting
To kiss you before I go to bed at night
Its about time for you to make that move
Because...
I'm getting tired
Of longing
To be your one and only
Of longing
To constantly be in your arms day and night
I am trying to hold out but its so hard
You have to hurry up
Because...
I'm getting tired
So very tired


8/30/08
4:22pm
For: K.B

Much More

Much More

To me its more than just a thought
More than just a smile
It makes me blush and leads my mind to daydream for awhile
Its more than just a note
Its a reminder of the moment
Where even if just briefly
I crossed your mind
To me its more than just a joke
its not funny at all
Its something that's on my mind all day long
For me its so much more serious than you could ever imagine
To me its like a wish or a dream that only you can make come true.
To me its so much more


4:29pm
8/30/08

K.B

I knew

I knew I loved you before we even met

I always knew that someday we would cross paths

I wasn’t sure when or how

But I knew it would happen someday

I had been waiting all of my teenage years

For you to come and be a part of my life

At times I would date other guys

Trying to make them fit the mold that only you were created for

It never worked out

And the relationships didn’t last

Because I tried to make them be you

Which is something that only you can do

It was already planned for us to meet now

And our relationship is destined to be

When I was a little girl I made list

Of all the things I wanted in a man

And over the years I have kept adding to it

But I could never find anyone that fit the bill

A few came close

One so close that

I had completely given up on finding you

I figured he was close enough

However we all know that almost doesn’t count

I need the real thing

When I met you I knew it was you

And for awhile I was scared

I wasn’t going to approach you

I was going to let you slip away right before my eyes

Then I realized it would be crazy to let you get away

I have been waiting for you all of my life

Everything inside me tells me that this is right

And you are the one I have been hoping for,waiting for, praying for

I knew I loved you before I met you

4:08 pm

8/28/08

for K.B

Hurt like no other

Am I ok?

NO!!!!

What’s wrong with me?

Ugh let me see…

I was fine all day until I saw you

First, you made me smile

Then, you distracted me from the task at hand

I guess maybe it was my fault, that I just can’t stop staring

Next, you made me want to be with you

Then, smiled and said well we should just be friends

FRIENDS!!!!!

Let me ask you a few serious questions….

Do I look like I need another friend?

Have you ever had a friend as hott as me?

As much as I try its really hard

Being just friends with a guy that you want to be with

So if you see me hang my head or staring into space

Just know that I am fine

I have a million thought running through my mind

About how I would love to occupy the space right by your side



For: K.B
8/28/08

This aching feeling

Ugh this feeling is the worst
There's nothing I want more
Than the man who thinks im all wrong for him
All I want is a chance
I just want him to try
I don't usually make promises
But I promise he will never want to leave
The girl who with a relationship right now he just can't see

This aching feeling
8/24/08

For K.B

Wait for you

I just want to be your friend until the day you decide that friendship is no longer enough.
Im waiting/preparing for the day when you decide that I am the girl for you and that you want to be my man.
I spend my days thinking about the way you smile.
Wishing that I could fast forward time to the next day I will see your face.

Lets talk about that

I keep telling myself its over and its time to move on
But my heart just won't let go
So many times I've tried to pick up the pieces and walk away
But I turn around because I hear you screaming J please just try it one more day
Everything inside of me says that you are the one
And at times I can tell you believe it too
But you keep saying no, and walking away only to come back
I wish I could walk away and forget about all of this heartache but I've realized that I would rather cry about you than never think of you again. Its sick, it makes me feel sick

So lets talk about that
11:59 pm

sometime in June

When I see you...

When I see you again
I will feel nothing
I won't worry if it will be awkward
Now I know that I don't still want you
That ship has clearly sail
I've moved on so far that it seems like we were never together
I don't want to touch your face or grab you into a warm embrace
Now I know that when I see you again it won't be a big feel because im clear on how you make me feel
Sick that is
Its like I knew you from another life
Now I don't even remember who you are
I can seem to piece together the feelings that we had for each other and have them represent something meaningful
When I see you again the past will mean nothing
It won't even be a distant memory
Because it feels unreal
As if it never even happened at all.



For: L.B
written by J.B

Behind my Smile

Behind my smile there's a thousand tears
Tears that come from the pain of separation
Separation of a love that gave me a new life
Tears brought on carrying by the heavy weight of sin
Sin that crept into my life, and slowly took over
Relationships it ruined and left my heart torn
Torn between the sin that I hated so much,
the sin that I never wanted to associate myself with
and the my love for the word the truth and the light,
and he who can save me from the bondage I have walked into
Behind all of my sweetness lies a broken heart
Look behind the smiles you see
And you may find pain that you never noticed

Isn't it enough

Isn't it enough. With a world full of options. I chose you to be the man I gave my heart to. I accepted you for who you are, with no expectation of you changing a thing. I loved you. I even loved your faults. Every bump and freckle in your face. Every aspect of your personality. The good, bad, and strange things. I loved them all. Isn't it enough. I mean it has to be enough, because if it's not I have nothing else to give you. Love, sweet and pure. Love that you don't have to work for or beg for. It was all yours. Isn't it enough. You can't possibly be looking for more than what is already yours.



7/7/07

By: Johnna M. Brown
For: He already knows

Dedicated to my favorite man

If I had to do it all again I would still choose you. Although I do wish that we had gotten together sooner so I could have been with you always to support you and love you so you would never experience heartbreak. I am glad that we got together when we did because I feel like this is the way things are supposed to be. And maybe before we weren't ready for each other Sometimes I still think that we still arent ready for each other but I love the way you love me and that is enough to keep me going. It's amazing. Sometimes I stop and think about how it all happened and the things that we have expereinced along the way and I have decided that of all the men in the world short, tall, black, white, fat or thin you are the man in my heart. You are the man I want to hold my hand during times when I am happy or sad. The man I dream about spending my life with.


Johnna M. Brown
8/25/07

Thank you

Thanks for making me dream
and shattering the dream you created

Thanks for calming my fears of the past
even though you are my current nightmare

Thanks for always being there
and then running away just when I got attached

Thanks for making me love so deep I gave my everything
and taking it, giving me only 50%

Thanks for allowing me to love you
even though I will never love the same again
My love will never be so sweet or sincere again

Thanks for showing me how great love can be
and how terrible it truly is.


I just hope you don't go around loving anyone else the way you loved me.


written by: Johnna B
For my love (lol) T.V

Sometime after the lines began to blurr

Sometime after the lines began to blurr
Sometimes after the lines between relationship and friendship began to blurr

Sometime between enjoying your conversation late into the night hours and falling in love with your smile

The lines beagn to blurr

I began to lose myself
I began to stop doing the things I love
And I became lost on my quest to make you love me

The lines bgean to blurr

Sometime between us sharing our goals, dreams, aspirations
and us sharing our first kiss

The lines began to blurr and I lost my heart somewhere...




By: Johnna M. Brown
For T.V

10/28/06
3:20 p.m

The definition of beauty

The Definition of Beauty

As I grow I have began to define things differently

First, I learned that when it comes to men Black is Beautiful

There is NOTHING,

more beautiful than a black man.

All shades and hues, nothing is better than you loving me,

and me loving you.

I've learned that the Strength of Man,

does not solely lie in his bank account.

Some of the richest men in the world,

cannot support you in the areas you need the most.

I've also learned that Bald Men are Sexy

A perfectly groomed haircut is nice; it looks great.

But when he shaves it all of that's sexy.

This next one I learned from India Arie

I am not my hair

My shoulder length tresses

didn't make the woman you see today.

It's just hair, and my short style is flyy.

I've learned that Real Women have Curves

You cannot stay trapped,

in a skinny little schoolgirl body forever.

I look much better now in my new

curvy frame than I've ever have.

Lastly, I 've learned from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. that Beauty,

is not defined by the way a person looks.

It is measured by the content of their character.

By: Johnna M. Brown

4:52 p.m

3/5/07

Throw Some D's on it Remix!!!! By Johnna B

Throw some D's on it ReMiX!!!!!!!! BY JOHNNA B*

Throw some D's on it...Diamonds that is!


Hey MR., yea you over there claiming to love me
Stop trying to deter me on my quest for sexual purity
If you really love me you see my empty ring finger
Throw a ring on it
And i'll show you something you'll never forget
Marrry me, make me your wife,
maybe then we can go half on a baby
You see me empty ring finger
Throw a ring on it
Make me a decent woman out of me
And i'll show you how naughty I can get
But since you see my empty ring finger
Throw a ring on it
It's the only way you will
get to see what my Vikki's look like at the end of the day
If you really love me
You see my empty ring finger
Throw a ring on it
Here you will not find a woman to shack up with,
Before we can play house you must
Notice my empty ring finger and...
THROW A RING ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


BY: JOHNNA M.BROWN

Possibilites

You are perfect for me and I am perfect for you.

We are amazing friends, but when it comes to love

We just don't know what to do.

It's really sad that in we

Carry around enough baggage

To ruin what could be the perfect love

Too much past hurt and one too many traumatizing relationships

Makes us too afraid to pursue this great possibility

Afraid to go forward

Much too far along to go back

Stuck in a position to make a decision that we're afraid to make

Do we take the chance that can change our lives

Or is okay to dream about what could have been just this once.

1/30/07

11:37 am

Written by: J.M.B

For: L.B

It's hard lovin a man who's livin a double life

It's hard lovin a man who's livin a double life

It breaks my heart to know that he doesn't want me

To be a part of the things that are most important to him

Holidays come and go, sadly where he spends those days

I don't know

All I know is

It's hard lovin a man who's livin a double life

Not quite his girlfriend, and definately not his wife

I can't tell him that coming in last place

Keeps me from sleeping good at night

It's hard lovin a man who's livin a double life

He's a good man, and things would be great if

he could just let the world know that I'm important to him

I know it's pathetic and I shouldn't stay

But you wouldn't understand because

You don't know how hard it is lovin a man who's livin a double life

Sometimes I think that things will never change

My status of secretly special will always stay the same

Crying myself to sleep at night doesn't ease the pain because

It's hard lovin a man who's livin a double life

3/21/07

Written by Johnna M. Brown

Summer Crush

You met her randomly
By chance you paths collide
Talking to her takes you breath away
You stare at her in awe of her beauty and innocence
As time passes she comforts you with her sweetness
She massages you with her enchanting gaze
She passionately kisses you with every soft touch
Just the thought of her kiss makes you melt
And she makes you love her with her kind words
Now wonder you can't get her out of your mind
Guess what she thinks of you all the time

Written By: J.M.B

For: L.B

5/28/07

I want you to know how I feel

Sometimes I wish there were a way for you to know how I feel

Being in love with you, knowing you think I'm not good enough for the world to see

Having never met your family, or spent a holiday with you

I feel more like a mistress, rather than the woman that could possibly be your mrs…

So sick of being alone on the weekends because you have better things to do

More than tired of having to be scheduled in, when I want to spend time with you

Our kisses are so precious they've never lost their spark

Sometimes I think our kisses are the thing that holds us together

Making me feel hopeful and daring to dream again

Someday we will walk together holding hands,

You will kiss me saying yeah that's my girl and I'm her man

Reality sets in and I see, for you and me together is only something

I dare to dream about…

So until the time my dream comes true…I'm out

J.M.B

12/1/07

11:59 pm

It's all in my head

No I'm not in a daze

I didn't hear your question

Because I was just sitting back reflecting

About how I remember them days

When we were so happy

It was all so innocent back then

When we first held hands in the movie theatre

Times when we would go out and stay for hours

But when we got home we would still call each other later

Nothing specific to say

Listening to each other breathe

Exploring the very different worlds of you and me

Asking questions like "Hey if you had a daughter what would you call her?"

Back then I thought we had all the time in world

We never really made any solid plans but I thought because we held hands

That someday you would really give our love a chance

I thought we had so much time to get to know each other, to kiss and hold one another

I just knew that would day I would be the mother to your children

Someday I would get a ring and at our wedding you would sing

"So AMAZING to be loved"

You know like you did that night back in August

I never imagined all the heartbreak nights like that would cause us

I thought our wedding day I would get my last first kiss

Kind of like back on January 26,2007

A day I'll never forget

I waited my whole life for that moment

And now a year later I am sitting here lamenting on our love

Like the world mourned Pac and Biggie

Wishing and hoping all this is not real

And the pain that I feel will go away

You would come and wipe the tears

And stay with me for the next 100 years

Dec.6, 2007

By: Johnna M. Brown

I cry in the rain

I cry in the rain

So the people around me don't see my pain

Tears are a sign of weakness

People who see your tears will try to hurt you

My strength is something no one can compete with

So if I cry in the rain no one will know

Therefore weakness is something I do not show

I know you hurt me, You know you hurt me

Why should I let my tears be shown and all of my deepest fears be known

I can't do it

Be completely exposed for all the world to see

How badly the game of love defeated you and me

So I cry in the rain so no one can see my pain

Johnna M. Brown

2/11/08

L.B

I've learned so much about you I could get my Ph.D in Y.O.U!

I've studied the curves of your face so well, I could paint your portrait when blindfolded

So many nights I stayed awake to watch you sleep, watching you breathe so much I began to breathe just like you

I fell asleep on your chest listening to your heartbeat so much my beat began to beat with the same pace, same time as yours

I memorized every word you said to me so when the true test came I could hear your words play when you were away from me, it was so real you still felt close to me

Peace

When all of the smiles fade
and are replaced with angry stares
I could slap you
Or just curse you out
But thats so not me
Its not that I don't want to defend my honor
I just think its a waste of time fighting for something that I will never truly lose
You see other women do not understand why I am so calm
I will let everyone run off at the mouth and act crazy becuase they feel bold
We are way too old to play tug of war
If you want it that bad its yours
I hope that makes you feel good
But I know it won't
You are gonna always wonder if its really done
Or is it just a front
You will always be threatened by me
Even if I'm not physically present, the idea of me will frighten you
Make you feel inscure
Leave you feeling empty and distant
Because its just not the same as you expected
I've set the bar too high to even measure
You can never be better or even as good as me
So you will always feel less than
Holding the trophy doesn't always mean you won the prize
Enjoy your life living in my shadow
Because I will always be AMAZING in those big brown eyes

This thing called Love, the REAL reason why I cried

This thing called Love, the REAL reason why I cried…

Love seemed like a good thing until I fell in it

I spent years dreaming about the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with

I even jotted down all of his perfect qualities in a notepad and sketched a drawing of him

And prayed my whole life that God will send me, my knight in shining armor a.s.a.p

When I received everything I didn't ask for I became a little discouraged

Until I realized that the man I have is everything I will ever need

Right before my eyes is the man I need more than I need air

It rocks me to the core knowing that just when I realize that he's the one

Life's complications may shatter the dreams that we have for our love

And leave us to live separate lives

Instead of spending forever with our hearts intertwined as we begin to live life

I'm so afraid to hold on to you, but terrified to let go because I love you

By: J.M.B

For:L.B

10/23/07

Me + You = Perfect Love

Me + You= perfect
You are looking for someone to complete you
Someone to be that other half or little piece that's missing
You just don't understand
For almost 2 years I've been telling you its me that fits in
At first I tried to fight itMe and you together
I just didn't like itWe were so different
I just couldn't get past it
But now I see that we really are more the same
And even the places where we differ
Somehow we conviently compliment each other
I notice that many of your insecurties are your strong points
So I am constanly there to support you
Even when I don't know why I do
Its funny how when I need it you do the same thing for me too
You offer me that extra burst of strength when I feel weak
Convince me to be confident when I am afraid and feel unsure
I could go on forever discussing how
You+me=perfect love

4/21/08
As always for my perfect love L.B

I'm not as strong as you think

Im not as strong as you think
I just have the ability to tell a man that’s breaking my heart to step off
Before I lose my mindI
m not all that strong at all
I just believe that self esteem and pride
Are more valuable than having a man with strong arms to hold me when im lonely
When im lonely its easy to find a friend to hangout and have a good timewith
But when my heart screams I can’t help myself
I just fall to the floor and prayI am not super strong
Would you like to knowwhere my secret lies
Its not in being hard hearted
Or not in never falling in love
My strength lies in not allowing my feelings to control my actions
But in doing what I think is best at the time

For :L.B
Written by: Johnna Michelle Brown

You don't cry like me

You don’t cry like me
When you say something that hurts me
I get heartburn
It makes me cry for hours
I feel like I’ve lost all power
See you don’t cry like me
When you do me wrong
My heart screams
It aches
My heart cries
Longing for you to change and do better
When nothing changes
Im back at square one
Feeling all alone and sad
Love knocked me out once again
Eyes filled with tears
Not the weapy kind
Angry screaming tears
Again and again
Not this time im done
Im giving up this train wreak love affair
Forgetting everything in me that wants to love you
I’ve set my sights on waiting
Yes waiting for what I deserve
So I can stop crying
Because you don’t cry like me
You don’t even feel my pain

Written by: Johnna Michele Brown
For: L.B

I didn't want it to happen this way

I wanted to love you forever
believe me I did
But you made it so hard
Always being so busy
Never answering the phone
Running in and out of my life
Becuz you couldn’t keep it at home
You always thought those other girls were better than me
You acted like they had somethin I didn’t
Yea well now they do
They have you
Becuz im not gonna fight for you
I’ve given up trying to make things work
Nothing ever changes for the good
Things just keep getting worse
So to save both of us some stress
My love for you I will supress
Love this strong never goes away
It can barely be concealed
But I will have the illusion of being healed
From the loss, pain, and broken heart
I now have to live with
Those are the issues I face on a daily basis
So don’t you for a second go believeing
That you are the only one who spent time grieving over our lost love.

For:L.B
By:Johnna Michelle Brown
3/29/08

Random Thoughts

No reason to make it worse
Fighting for it makes us bitter
so why even try
Just let it go and I will too
You’ve changed
I don’t want to get to know the new you
It makes me sad
That the man I saw so much potential in
Could turn into the person you’ve become
I never could have imagined
That the love that made me so happy
Could make me so sad
I was in love with loving you
The love I felt made my hear melt
Now I wonder if any of that was ever real
Did you ever feel the way you said
Or was it just make believe
Something like a fairytale
That just didn’t have a happy ending
Regardless of whatever we had
It didn’t work out
So I’m saying goodbye
Don’t make it harder than it has to be
There’s a thin line between love and hate
And you my friend are wearing it thin
So I’m saying goodbye
Maybe no contact will make us grow apart
And this issue will be of no importance to us
You have moved on
And I will too
So i’m saying goodbye

Unrealistic Dreams

Growing up we were always taught that we could be anything.
People all around you saying that in America you have the most opportunity
We sit in our classrooms saying i'm going to be a doctor, policeman, lawyer, firefighter, or writer
We say i'll be married by 25 with a husband or wife that never cheats and always comes home on time
We all are going to college to get that knowledge and come home to be someone great that momma can be proud of
Unrealistic dreams, it never happens that way
Back in the day our teachers should have told us that not everyone is gonna make it to graduation
There's gonna be some no grad's and some slow grads.
When we are kids nobody talks about the alternative routes
Night school, no ecxuse me Alternative school for the bad kids and young mothers
Some of our classmates die of gunshot wounds or get stuck in the prison syste before graduation rolls around.
So their names on the college acceptance letters are never found.
I hope you know those are just some of the things highschool students today are facing
College is a diferent story
Grade schools just aren't preparing the kids like they used to
Let's keep it real jus for a little bit
Many kids aren't smart enough to get into college
If by chance they ease in the work is so hard many of them just fail out
Or drink so much they are wasting money if they stay, no chance for continuing education with those grades
Others just don't have the money to get them through
With these issues there isn't much of a chance of getting a Ph.D and becoming a doctor or standing in a courtroom as a lawyer
I ask you do we attain these goals growing up in a world so cold
We don't because they are unrealistic dreams
Instead of doing all of the things we envision
Changing the world and helping others
We are the ones going to the doctor with no health insurance
And if we step into the courtroom we pray to God we still walk out with our freedom
Unrealistic dreams
We need to stop lying to kids telling them it ain't as hard as it seems

By: Johnna M. Brown
3/1/08

Some Other Girls Man

Some Other Girls' Man

He's so perfect for me
Everything I wanted my next boyfriend to be
Smart, funny, religious, and even cute
Total package I know
But he's got a girl already
It would be wrong for me to try to get in between
What they've got going
But I really want him for me
I mean… he's perfect
We read the same books & have the same outlook on so many things
Some days we sit and talk for hours
Then when we leave I wonder
What it would be like if we were together
But there's nothing I can do
He's some other girls' man
And it's just not right for me to try and take him
She's never done anything to deserve it
And besides I could never put another woman through that kind of pain
So for now I have to just chill
Because I can't go chasing
Some other girls' man

By: Johnna M. Brown
For: M.D.F3/1/08 7:54 p.m.

What I am doing with the overflow

My heart was all filled up
to the point where excess of my love for you was spilling over
Flowing from my heart throughout my whole body
I loved you so much, you should have felt loved
even where I was nowhere near, or if I never said the words
My first and last thoughts of the day were always with you,
and a bunch of other thoughts in between, hopes, wishes, and daydreams
Loving you was a huge part of my life.
It was like a major hobby, something to engage in whenever, I was bored, happy,or sad.
Without you I'm like Micheal Jordan with no basketball or Jay-z minus the flow
So incomplete
Now that you're gone I wonder, if this never happened, and we never were
How would my life be?
These are just thoughts, exercises of my mind, thinking about my time before you

In reality I'm collecting the pieces of my broken heart, trying to scotch tape them together the best way I can
Taking special care to break apart the L-Y-D-E-L-L that was once scribbled across my heart and bury the pieces in separate places
Because I know if they are kept together they will rise to the top and consume me once again.


2/26/08
8:30 A.M

Written by: Johnna B
For : L. B

Welcome to my blog

Hi everyone, my name is Johnna Michelle Brown. I just graduated from Widener University in May, with a degree majoring in Communication Studies and a minor in Business Management. I'm seventh day adventist, my religion is a big part of my life. A couple months ago that man I thought I would love forever broke my heart into pieces and now i'm moving on trying to continue believing in love. This expirence as well as many others have led me to write lots of open letters that I will add to this blog, "The Issues of My Heart." Please read and enjoy.

Lots of Love,
Johnna Michelle